Profanity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Violence:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Sex: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Summary
Battleship is one of those stories that alternates between several characters point of view. What I mean by that is that some of the movie, the characters are on a ship and during other parts of the movie, the characters are on land (different character obviously, this isn't Harry Potter 3 with a Time Turner).
The movie begins with two guys in a bar. You realize through deep analysis (aka: it's the first thing the older guy says to the younger guy) that they are brothers and it's the younger one's birthday. One of the guys has his life together nicely. He is an important commander in the navy and has a good apartment. The movie is probably not the best moral story as the guy who has his life together gets blown up and the other one lives. The younger guy is turning (I'm guessing) 32 (sorry, actor, if that makes you feel older because of my bad estimate).Despite his brother's protests, he goes to hit on a girl who just asked for a burrito from the barman. As the barman won't give her a burrito, naturally the guy decides to break into a convenience store and steal a burrito for her. Perfectly logical. He gets arrested by the police.
Furious at him, his brother forces him to join the navy. You'd think he'd start with something a little less elite, but, I guess, when you'r brother is wicked important, you get privileges.
I guess the movie fast forwards a few years because the next thing you know, the RIMPAK games are taking place. This is a battle between the Navy of the USA and that of China. RIMPAK is essentially a way to show the people of the United States that the Chinese navy is stronger than theirs, and, in this particular RIMPAK, a way to conveniently stop all but 3 of the Navy ships from fighting the aliens.
I guess I've kind of forgotten to tell you the whole point of the movie. NASA, after finding out that there was a habitable planet in another solar system near ours, decides to contact them. So, naturally, we forgot that all of the sci fi dystopian movies that taught us, quite clearly, that aliens would try to (a) f**ck us, (b)Use Earth's precious resources, and/or (c) Destroy earth for no apparent reason other than to make a freaking great action movie.
As RIMPAK is going on, a giant set of alien ships (presumably called by NASA's communications thing) crash into Hawaii (where RIMPAK is going on). Well, they don't crash into Hawaii exactly but crash into the Pacific ocean near Oahu. So, the main character (yah, that hopelessly looserish guy from the beginning) decided to go and touch one of the alien ships which crashed near his ship. This triggers something that surrounds Hawaii in a giant and impenetrable shield, blocking most of the Navy ships out. How perfect. I can see that this is exactly what would happen in real life and not at all exaggerated to make it seem more hopeless!
However, why the aliens decided to have their trigger on the outside instead of the inside so they don't need to leave the safety of their ships to trap in the humans, I don't know.
Now the humans fire a warning shot at the aliens and the aliens start shooting at them. They blow up the ship with Alex Hopper's (the looser main character) brother onboard, killing everyone.Then Alex gets a surprise. Because the other commander died, he is in charge. At first he is reckless and wants to blow the aliens to bits for killing his brother (I don't know why he was so angry. If my brothers were killed by aliens, I'd send the E.T.s flowers.) but then, with the help of his Chinese nemesis turned friend, he settles down and tries to blow them up remotely instead.
From then on out, it's battle after battle until every last human ship is destroyed. Alex's girlfriend (as well as a legless veteran and a geeky NASA worker guy) realize that the aliens want to send a signal home to bring reinforcements which the humans don't want as that would mean the end of humanity. So, the last human ship comes to try to blow up the NASA base that the aliens have captured to send a signal home. However, the ship is blown up and the stranded soldiers (Hopper and the Chinese guy among them) have to use an old ship called a Battleship to blow up the aliens.
The only other interesting thing to say is that, maybe the aliens weren't bad after all. Occasionally, you saw their computer screens. They conveniently marked guys that they didn't like as red and good things as green. The thing that makes me wonder whether the aliens were bad or not is that humans appeared as green unless they tried to attack the aliens. So, there's room for a sequel there!!!
Review
Well, at least you don't need to think while watching this movie. Battleship has almost no intra or interpersonal plot pieces and is mostly battle after battle. I guess it's a proven strategy that works and Hollywood isn't eager to stray far from what works.
The effects in this movie are amazing. Like Discovery magazine says, the movie even gives a great deal of focus on the very corners of the screens. The studio (Universal Pictures) clearly spent more time in post production than pre production. The effects are really cool and super realistic.
So, if you like the kind of movies that you don't need to think but just sit back and watch explosions, Battleship will win your presonal movie of the year award. If your more into the deep Silver Linings Playbook kind of movies, don't watch Battleship unless to give it the Worst Picture award. And if you have even the slightest problem with being anxious, don't watch this. There is a lot of suspense.
If you follow Flixified and think my personal opinion is worth something, watch Battleship!!! I, personally, loved it. I thought that, even though it was long, it was so action packed that it felt short. So, just a recap, if you like action, watch Battleship. If you don't, don't!
Posters
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Parental Guidance Information
There is a little bit of sexual stuff in the beginning and tons of violence. One of the characters is naked at one point but ice covers their midsection and their a boy so nothing else needs to be hidden. There is lots of action and suspense. If your child gets even the slightest bit nervous at action, I don't at all recommend you letting them see it.
I would recommend a general age restriction of 13 to watch this movie as there is also some use of the word sh!t although without the exclamation mark. I don't know why I didn't just write down the word. It just felt funnier to do the !.
If you are going to bring your kids to see Battleship at a strand theater or on DVD/Instant download, I suggest the following scenes to have your young children close their eyes:
- The sex on the beach scene (Get on edge after the soccer fail scene)
As the movie is mostly one big battle after that, I'm not going to worry about listing the scenes that should not be watched by young kids due to violence as the whole thing after the sex on the beach scene is one giant battle. You child should really just be good with violence. There aren't any really scary images.
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